BLOG 7- Illusions of faithfulness

“What” I shouted into the phone as I pictured Tiffany’s innocent looking face in my mind. “You better not say anything to any body,” she said knowing that I would never tell anyone about what we discuss. “Hey Angie” I said rudely stopping our conversation “my cordless phone is about to die” I said talking over the annoying non-stop low battery beeping noise. “I will call you back later,” I said quickly wondering if she heard me as the phone went completely dead. After I pit the phone on its battery charger, I sat down on the couch smiling and shaking my head as I reflected on our conversation. It brought me right back to where I started, thinking about my dream again. I began to question myself, my relationship and if I’m seeing illusions of faithfulness. I have never heard my wife speak about a wet dream she experienced in the entire ten years that we have been together. I also understood that women play by an entirely different set of rules and keeping secrets is rule number one. I started thinking about our sex life wondering if it is unrealistic or even possible to want the same thing all of the time without changing up from time to time. I wondered what she would say if I asked her does she ever want to have sex with someone else just for the feeling of having something different. Maybe a big fat one, a long one, or maybe even having a man with both. Has she ever thought or fantasized about trying sex with different races, white, Hispanic or any other exotic race of people. In my moment of reflection, I began to ask myself the same questions about trying different women. The truth came into my mind like a square peg through a round hole as I struggled with the reality of my answers. I felt guilty about my secret lust for other women and potential sexual experiences. The things that I would do if I were certain that I would not be caught flashed through my mind piercing through the very definition of the word loyalty. My dream proved that it could be done, and is done by everyone on a regular basis. I have never told my wife the truth about how I really feel and what I want from her because I don’t want to hurt her or make her feel insecure. I’m sure she is probably doing the same as we dance in harmony to the music of the untold truth about our individual sexuality…